Ringo – Two Coxman

1981, Duracell

This album has no business being any good. In the turn of the decade from 70s to 80s there was a fierce competition for who could be the most outrageously slack and horny on a deejay record, fought out between General Echo (aka Ranking Slackness), Ringo, and more famously, Yellowman. Plus a couple side contenders like Clint Eastwood and even I-Roy. Apologies to Yellowman fans, but when you look into the records carefully, you will discover that he was absolutely outclassed in the slackness game by Echo and Ringo. And this set is exemplary of the early 80s slackness. Every next word is cocky or pussy or fishy, though there are remarkably few mentions of any titty or backside. However the defining characteristic of this era of slackness is that, unlike 90s slackness, it’s paradoxically NOT horny, rather the point is to be as funny and outrageous and ridiculous as possible.

Sister Jean starts off inconspicuous enough, but long cock spills out of Ringo’s mouth by the two minute mark and he does not let up for the rest of the album. He ends up so deep into pum pum by Pussy Anniversary that he starts to spell it, first forward then backwards. Pum pum pum – mup mup mup. A truly obsessed man. But how is the music ‘inconspicuous’? Well these riddims are just riddims, with hints of vocal from the original tunes – whatever they may be! – and they are excellently recorded, arranged, mixed, et cetera. Musically this is a stellar record. Drums on Sis-Sis-Lyn and arrangement of Baba Boom on Untidy Pum are highlights. A very sparse mix of Bobby Babylon on Two Coxman seems obligatory – after Cocky Did A Hurt Me by Yellowman this has been ingrained in my mind as the ‘slackest riddim’. 

Within a certain mental state, slackness records feel like throwaway gimmicky nonsense for a quick laugh, but with a skilled and entertaining vocalist like Ringo, doing what he loves on quality dancehall riddims, there is really no valid criticism to be flung upon this album besides upon its lyrics. Here are some samples:

Uman dey pon earth fi man comfort

You never know me as a toilet plumber, you only know me with a cock like a hammer

The gyal get drunk and say “I’ll have two cocks”

Nah go stop beat her til she learn discipline

But when me rub the fishy, start bark like me dog

Any man who love to use his prick will end up dung a comprehensive clinic

Although she strong, she say “Your cocky’s like a boomerang”. Gal, a weh you call so? She say “Oh Ringo, you don’t know? It’s an Australian weapon”

I will leave the judgment of the lyrics up to you the reader. Suffice to say, it doesn’t feel fair to judge slackness albums against their normal, well-adjusted counterparts. But this one is a winner for sure.

My picks: Sis Sis Lyn, Untidy Pum
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